


Cry To Me

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [12]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Comforting, Crying, Cuddling, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra, In Hiding, Kisses, M/M, Motel room, On the Run, Post Iron Man 3, Public unrest, SHIELD, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, post winter soldier, pre age of ultron, strategic homeland intervention enforcement and logistics division
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-04 23:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18353912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: In the wake of a few Hydra attacks, the public isn't too happy with the Avengers. Until they can locate the remnant Hydra cells, the Avengers have no choice but to drop out of the public eye. Steve takes it the worst, finds himself personally responsible for their misfortune. Tony's there to assure him that's not the case.





	Cry To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to https://youtu.be/uK1_weJspuA while you're reading.  
> A. I adore that song and  
> B. it inspired this piece.  
> C. Dirty Dancing is a fantastic movie and you should watch it.

It was dark in the motel room, save for the stream of faint, and warm light from the street lamp outside filtering in through vertical blinds. It was hot; the air conditioner wasn’t working. The window was pushed open to one side, and now and again the sound of a car passing on the road could be heard. Tony stood by the window, arms crossed, in thought. He was tired, but focused. After all, it wasn’t him the ordeal had affected. Disappointing the public was old hat for him.

There had been a series of public protests, some turning violent, against the team in the wake of a remnant Hydra cell’s strikes against various points of the city. It was difficult to anticipate the attacks. They were seemingly random, with damages ranging from minor to extreme. With no surveillance help from SHIELD, the pattern was hard for Tony to analyze. Well, now that the truth about SHIELD was out and it had been disbanded, Tony wasn’t sure helpful information would’ve been given in the first place. He was used to being hated, had spent years dodging angry businessmen or aggressive reporters. The rest of the team wasn’t quite familiar with that treatment. To be fair, it was harsh. The protests were numerous and daily. Even from the penthouse of the tower he could hear the shouting.

It had all been well and fine, until one day when stepping out of the tower, the crowd had descended, and someone managed to land a punch in the brunet’s face. Steve caught him as he stumbled (they were on their way to a press conference) and did his best to remain composed. The civilian didn’t lay off though, spouting insults at the both of them. Apparently a family member had been injured in a recent attack. He almost spit Tony in the face, and in turn Steve snapped, and ended up putting the poor guy in the hospital before Tony could stop him. That was the nail in the coffin, which they would eventually have to find a way to pry off.

The scientist paid for the man’s hospital bill, even threw in a little extra as compensation, but a few days after the crowd still wasn’t satisfied. Tony never thought he would hear booing in the streets from a massive crowd of New Yorkers, especially when they were booing Captain America’s name, but they booed alright. It was frankly a little terrifying, and he knew Steve would beat himself up over it. Tony was thankful that Steve was willing to defend his honor like that, but knew it only escalated the situation. After all, it wasn’t some cute little dinner party it happened at, it was in the middle of a very vocal and aggressive crowd.

Tony made the executive decision to get the hell out of dodge before things could get worse. The team left the tower with the public excuse of zeroing in on Hydra’s location, but Tony hadn’t been able to do so yet. He wouldn’t admit out loud that they were hiding, but that’s what they were doing. His Malibu home had been eviscerated, and he had sold the one in Dubai, so at the moment, there wasn’t any place he owned to stay. Besides, if Hydra was on their tail, they would expect the team to head to one of his places. The team split up, going in pairs, finding leads to chase while staying out of the public eye. It wasn’t a secret that Tony preferred the finer things in life, but staying at a high end place would only attract attention. So, he found himself and his partner in a small town upstate, in a crappy little motel near Lake George. It was late August, and the weather certainly reflected it. If it weren’t for the cool breeze dragged over by the lake a few miles away, the heat would have been stifling. Tony didn’t know how people up here lived without central A/C.

The rattling of the room’s door startled him a little, and Tony turned around, pulled away from his thoughts. Steve entered, a plastic bag dangling from his tightened fist, and he dropped it on the ground, closing the door behind him a little harder than he probably intended. They both flinched at the volume, and Steve stood still a moment before exhaling with frustration. He crossed the room in a few strides and dropped into the armchair near the bathroom. His elbows rested on his knees and his head was in his hands.

Tony stood still, watching. The brunet could sense frustration radiating off of the blond’s body. It was heavy, palpable, tinged with sadness. It made his heart clench a little. He was about to say something when he heard it, a soft sniffle. Steve wasn’t much of a crier, not like Tony was. It was rare that he saw the super soldier cry. He certainly had his depression spells, had a tendency to mope, but to cry? He must have really been upset. The way Steve rolled his shoulders told Tony he was trying to brush it off, to downplay his emotions, as usual. Tony sighed, and moved away from the window.

“Steve, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” It didn’t sound convincing. He hadn’t raised his head either. That couldn’t have been good.

Tony came towards him, stood at the side of his chair. He bit his lip a moment, unsure where to start. “What happened?”

“News report…” Steve muttered, voice thick. That was all he seemed willing to say.

Tony understood. Naturally the little 24 Hour convenience store Steve had gone to would have some stupid news channel playing. No doubt the reporters enjoyed criticizing Captain America, probably highlighting some asshole’s street-side interview. Tony was used to that stuff. Steve wasn’t. He couldn’t imagine how the soldier felt.

When the blond brushed a hand across his face, most likely to wipe a tear, Tony exhaled softly, moved behind the arm chair. Steve’s head lifted a bit, eyes holding a minute amount of curiosity. Tony wasn’t the best at making people feel better. He didn’t even know how to make himself feel better, usually going about it the wrong way and making things worse. He didn’t have the right words for this kind of stuff, didn’t learn from his parents (because they offered no help.) He hated being unable to fix things. 

All he could think of to do was offer himself. Tony leaned over the back of the chair, draped himself against Steve’s warm body. He pressed a kiss between his partner’s shoulder blades. Steve barely gave a response, apparently preoccupied with whatever terrible thoughts he was thinking, most likely about himself.

Tony didn’t accept that. He made a soft noise and stood. His hands started in the blond’s hair, pushing it back towards him, gently fisting it, before moving down to his shoulders in a fluid motion. Steve exhaled, dropped his head forward. Tony walked around the chair and stood before him, thighs touching his knees. He pulled the blond forward a little, and Steve’s arms moved up, wrapped themselves around Tony’s waist. Finally, a response. That told Tony he was on the right track. Seeing his partner so despondent bothered him. He wanted his happy Steve back, and would do his best to comfort the blond.

Steve rested his head against the brunet’s midsection, and Tony placed a kiss to his hair. He draped himself over the super soldier in a hug. Steve’s hands tightened a bit, and Tony heard a muffled sniffle. It almost made a lump form in his throat. Voice soft, he spoke. “Cry to me,” he said, drawing back, looking down at his partner.

Steve lifted his head, blue eyes framed by tears. He seemed a little confused at the request, and tried to blink the offending water particles from his vision. They clung to his lashes, and he was unwilling to let them fall, brows knit with the concentration. One escaped, and Tony brushed it away with his thumb, hands resting on either side of his face.

“Don’t you feel like crying, baby? Let it out, I’m right here,” Tony muttered, hands sliding down, light on his broad shoulders, urging him forward.

Steve slowly followed, standing from his seat. The scientist’s soft hands moved down his arms and back up slowly. Tony stood on his toes, linking his arms around Steve’s shoulders. The blond exhaled shakily, feeling hot tears running down his cheeks. He buried his face in the crook of his partner’s neck, hands around his waist tightening. It was hot, and Steve’s skin against his was blistering, but Tony didn’t mind. He pet the soldier’s hair, softly teasing the tufts at the nape of his neck, keeping Steve flush against him. To his surprise the blond began to cry in earnest, sobs rocking his chest. Steve pushed his weight forward a little too much, and Tony swayed, but took it in stride.

“That’s it sweetheart,” Tony coaxed, rubbing his back. He was glad Steve let him hold him like this, was willing to share his vulnerability. Lord knows how many times the situation had been reversed, how many nights Tony was in distress and Steve was there to pick up the pieces. Steve was the strong one, a wall between Tony and his demons. It was only natural that his wall would crack occasionally, that he needed patching up. Tony was glad he could return the favor, was glad his experimental method of comfort seemed to be paying off. Steve needed to release his frustration, to just breathe, to be able to let out his emotions without judgment. Tony was glad the blond felt safe enough with him to do so.

He closed his eyes, held tightly to his partner, felt his own heart constrict as the soldier’s mournful sobs filled his ears. It had really affected him that bad, more than Tony originally thought. Steve tended to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, finding every failure to be somehow thanks to him. Tony wasn’t so different, but he handled it in different ways. This was probably healthier.

Steve was an all or nothing type of person, and this situation certainly hit all of him, especially because of the ties to Hydra. The scientist hadn’t been there for the fall of SHIELD, and would have come in a heartbeat if asked. The news about SHIELD’s true nature was shocking to all, even him. When Steve told him the story, the stakes involved, he couldn’t believe how well the blond had taken it all. He knew about the Winter Soldier, of how Steve’s past had come back to him. It wasn’t surprising that even now, almost a year later, it affected him greatly. Tony wished he could take the guilt away, could tell Steve it didn’t matter, but it obviously mattered a lot. Tony didn’t have an inkling of how it felt, and never would. Steve’s experiences were different than his own. Although there was a lot of common ground, they were different people, and handled things differently. All he could do was be there and try to understand.

Steve responded well to the encouragement. After a few minutes his crying settled. Tony had stood through it, rubbing his back softly, whispering that it would be alright. With a soft sigh Steve drew back a little. His eyes were red and cheeks were tear-stained, but his face was no longer screwed with pain. He looked younger somehow. Tony stood on his toes, captured the blond’s lips in a kiss. They were salty from the tears. He lingered, pressing another to the corner of Steve’s mouth, and another to his wet cheek.

“Are you alright?” Tony asked again, resting his head on Steve’s chest.

“Feeling a little better,” the blond admitted. He buried his face in the brunet’s hair.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Steve made a little noise to indicate ‘no.’ Tony understood. Maybe it was just too early to say, or maybe he didn’t know how to put it into words. He wanted to help, and knew the best way to do so was to end the nonsense and find the Hydra base, but at the moment he had no idea how to do that. It was irritating, being unable to solve the riddle when everyone was depending on him, especially Steve now. In the morning he would double his efforts, for the blond’s sake. Now though, it was dark and late, and the crickets were chirping outside, and he was alone with his lover.

“What can I do?” the scientist asked softly, looking up at him. He seemed tired, physically and mentally. His emotions must have really done a number on him.

“Lay down with me,” Steve suggested, arms releasing Tony so he could move.

Tony nodded, and turned, crossing the room, crawling onto the bed. The covers were quilted and gaudy, a little scratchy. Thankfully they weren’t too warm. The bed was surprisingly cool, given the temperature in the room. He settled between the large pillows and held out his arms, an invitation. Steve gladly took it, crawling after him and settling between the brunet’s hips, his head resting on his partner’s chest. His large hands wrapped around Tony’s midsection.

The scientist exhaled softly. Steve’s familiar weight on his ribs was a comfort, even though it wasn’t him who needed the comfort. He brushed back blond waves, pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead.

“You know what I love about you?” Tony muttered, framing Steve’s face with his hands.

“What?”

“Well in short, everything. But today, the way you care so much. You make one little mistake and act like it’s the Original Sin. I’ve made thousands of mistakes more than you, but each one you make is like the first for you. You’re so…good. It’s sickening. You make us average people look bad.”

Steve raised his head, made a show of rolling eyes. “I’m average too,” he protested.

“Maybe, but not really. You’re a whole lot better than average, because unlike the rest of us, you’re determined to pay for your mistakes, and everyone else’s too. Sorry to be the one to tell you but you can’t shoulder the whole world alone.” Tony brushed a thumb across the handsome blond’s lips.

“I’m just…” Steve sighed, blue eyes turned down. “I can’t keep disappointing people. Everyone expects me to be perfect, but I’m not. I don’t know how to be. And then the Hydra thing… I mean, I gave my goddamn life to stop Hydra, and I couldn’t even do that right. I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure.”

Tony frowned. “You’re not a failure,” he said. Steve snorted, and Tony made a noise. “You’re not a fucking failure,” he repeated, maybe a little aggressively. Blue eyes snapped up, settling on his visage. “You saved billions that day, stopped the war. It’s not your fault that people fucked shit up again afterwards. Don’t you dare blame yourself for that.”

“I should have realized,” Steve replied with a frown, shaking his head. “If I had figured out the truth sooner, I wouldn’t have made a huge mess of Washington. Maybe I could’ve found Bucky sooner, maybe I could’ve gotten him help. Maybe he would be here now.”

“Well I certainly hope he wouldn’t be here right now, when we’re cuddling so nicely. Don’t know if there’s room for a third,” the brunet joked. Steve sighed tiredly, though the edges of his lips turned upwards.

“Listen Steve, you can spend all day thinking of what-ifs, but the past is the past. I can’t tell you how often I wish I could change something, but I can’t. Maybe it’s better that way, I don’t know. But people make mistakes, it’s part of the human experience. Just because a few people are angry at you now doesn’t mean they’ll always be.”

“A few people? More like half of Manhattan, and at least a quarter of the Burrows combined.”

It was Tony’s turn to sigh. He scooted down the bed, so Steve was above him. “And they’re all idiots. You’re _trying_ , babe, and that’s enough. And hey, guess what? We’re gonna find those Hydra fuckers, and you’re gonna break their backs, and everyone’s gonna love you again.”

Steve seemed skeptical. He knit his brows, blue eyes studying the brunet beneath him. As usual, his intense gaze made Tony’s knees weak. “How long until I fuck up again? What if the next time, I can’t fix it? What if I fuck up so bad there’s no going back?” the soldier asked. Tony could hear the emotion in his tone.

The scientist paused, trying to find the words. He was quite familiar with the feeling. The fear of being unable to fix something was overwhelming to him, and he consistently struggled to accept the fact that he couldn’t fix everything. Hell, Tony couldn’t even fix himself; he had said so in the past. He didn’t have all the answers, especially when it came to consoling someone, so he did the best he could.

“If they can’t accept you with your faults, they don’t deserve your help. You’re not God, you’re not some legendary being. You’re a man, who happens to be Captain America. I didn’t fall in love with Captain America. I fell in love with Steve, the perfectly imperfect Brooklyn boy. So stop beating yourself up over all this. It’s my job to be the emotionally unstable one.”

To the scientist’s delight, that drew a small chuckle from the blond. Steve shook his head, rubbed left over tears off of his face. He leaned down, pressed a kiss to Tony’s lips. “Maybe we can both be emotionally unstable,” Steve suggested.

“Maybe together we can form a functioning individual,” Tony joked in response. He played with Steve’s hair, ruffling it up to get a reaction out of him. The blond swatted his hands away, kissed his cheek. Tony smiled at that, linked his arms around Steve’s shoulders. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” the blond replied. Tony couldn’t help but beam at him. His shitty efforts had paid off.

“Well, you’re welcome,” he said cheekily.

Steve let out a drawn-out sigh. “You’re the worst.”

“I know,” the brunet shrugged. He paused. “You love me anyway, right?” It may have been a dumb question to ask. After all, they had been together almost a year now. Steve obviously cared about him, or else they wouldn’t be in this position. Still, Tony wanted to make sure. He constantly needed to remind himself that this was real, that he had gotten so lucky.

Steve buried his face in the crook of Tony’s neck, placed a warm kiss to the skin there. Tony exhaled softly, closed his eyes. The heat left chills up his spine. “I love you anyway,” Steve affirmed.

“Good. I’m glad,” the scientist muttered. He turned, slipping out from underneath the blond’s strong body and settling at his side. “We should sleep,” he sighed, draping an arm over Steve’s shoulder. After all, it was a little past midnight now. Steve exhaled contentedly, a hand crossing Tony’s waist and drawing him closer.

“Goodnight, Tony,” the soldier said softly. He sounded normal, a little drowsy maybe, but his voice wasn’t tinged with sadness anymore. It relieved Tony.

“Goodnight, Steve,” the scientist replied. It was warm and stuffy, and the mattress wasn’t as soft as the one back at the tower, but he didn’t need any of that. He had Steve, and Steve was safe and happy, and that was enough, and would always be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe how much I'm writing this year. Enjoy it while it lasts guys.


End file.
